IT’S FAB FRIDAY AND BOY, OH BOY DO I HAVE A TREAT FOR YOU! HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERYONE AND GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF THE RACERS!!

HEED MY RULES AND LIVE, DON’T… (HAHAHAAAA) AND SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!!!

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KRISTIN’S COFFEE SHOP RULES:

1} Never EVER make eye contact with the person on a laptop sitting in the wooden chair (usually positioned in the center of the shop) because 9 times out of 10, this person is completely uncomfortable (from sitting on uh, wood) and from the many fantastical distractions that they’ve experienced from (I don’t know) being positioned in the center of the store! I’ve found that they have lots AND LOTS of anger built up from being hit with backpacks, drenched in scolding hot coffee, sneezed on (while people wait in line beside them), and from (pretty much) being thrown to the wind with anything and everything that could happen in a coffee shop. Yep, I get it though, I’d be annoyed, too if I had to sit in the lonely, hard wooden chair that nobody else wanted to sit in because well, they (the other sitters) are lounging in nice, comfy chairs…you know the big ones with the soft velvet sleeves. Yeah, they go quick people, THEY GO QUICK!! GET EM WHILE THEY’RE HOT!!

2} When it’s your turn to order, have your script in hand and your mouth ready to move because… as they like to say in the movies, “IT’S SHOWTIME!!!” Spotlight on, cameras rolling, and people ready to pelt you with coffee beans if you don’t get your order right on the first take. These people are some serious coffee(ers) and I mean S-E-R-I-O-U-S (Oh look, Kristin is cheering again)! Have you ever witnessed a frustrated, decaffeinated person? Wowzers, NOT a pretty sight: Their legs are shaking (up and down, back and forth) so violently that the next door neighbors think its an earthquake.

3} NEVER stand in front of a person that’s easily excited by pastries or new menu items because LET ME TELL YOU, they’re a danger to anyone in their “pointer path.” They have that finger pointing to the right, left, and every which way, oohing and ahhing over the newest fade of delectables. They’ll get ya, too when you least expect it, like when you’re purposely looking to the right, trying to avoid the guy from #1. Before you know it, your eye has been gouged clean from your head and you spend the rest of the day in the hospital!! OUCH!! HAHA, I AM THIS PERSON!!! I LOVE MY PASTRIES!!

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4} ALWAYS clear a path for the avid coffee drinker that has positively had way too much coffee. They’ve been there (studying or what not) ALL DAY LONG and can’t help but use the bathroom every 2 minutes (because of all the fluids and caffeine they’ve taken in). Whatever you do, NEVER stand in their “destruction path” because like a tornado, they’ll tear you up (to get to the bathroom) and you’re left hitching a ride with the guy from #3.

5} Be careful NOT to interrupt the guy who JUST WANTS a Venti Black Coffee. He decides that shouting his order ( of one Venti Black Coffee) is a way better idea than actually waiting his turn. Yes, this man is usually 4-5 people back, somewhat tall, and is 100% sure that ordering at the counter is a bad idea because after all, all he needs is a frickin’ coffee (no cream, no sugar, and certainly none of the fluff (those fancy espresso drinks)).

6} Remember when I talked about those velvety soft sleeved, big, comfy chairs, well by all means, NEVER wake the person snoring in one because I promise you, you’ll be sorry…YOU WILL! This person is sleep deprived and extremely cranky and hasn’t the time to go home and take a nap, hasn’t the time to drink coffee to wake up, but HAS THE TIME to take a nap right in the middle of the coffee shop (probably next to the guy from #1 that’s already extremely irritated). Wake up Sleeping Beauty and see what happens!! I tell ya, a chemical reaction will happen, A CHEMICAL REACTION (between the snorer and the guy from #1)! I’m pretty sure the guy from #1 will be SO annoyed that the snorer had the audacity to wake up, stretch, and hit him in the head, that he’ll give Sleeping Beauty an eye that matches the guys coffee from #5.

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7} Okay, so now we have the “stander arounder,” you know the person that is waiting for their drink (which is probably twenty drinks away from being ready), butΒ still decides to stand in everyone’s way (at the pickup counter). Every single person (that walks to the counter to pick up their drink) is inconvenienced by this person, especially the guy from #5 that just frickin’ wants his Venti Black Coffee (no cream, no sugar, and certainly none of the fluff). Be sure to give #5 a gnarly high five and a THANKS DUDE Β when he steam rolls “stander arounder” (right) out of the way!!

8} Now we go from being inconvenienced by “stander arounder” to just standing around due to the over the top, fatiguing demands that this next person puts on the workers. We have the Venti Peppermint Mocha with no whip + no peppermint + a little cinnamon + an extra shot of espresso to…everything AND the kitchen sink. Man, OH MAN, as the minutes tick away, we drop our heads and hold our tongues, hoping for the best, but fearing the worst, knowing that if we give this person one slight roll of the eye, they’ll get distracted and start their order ALL over again. WHATEVER YOU DO, FEAR THE KITCHEN SINKERS AND DON’T INTERRUPT THEM for if you do, you’ll be in line allllll day long!!!

9} I advise you (now and forever) to NEVER insult the smoothie order(er) because this person is fired up and rarin’ to go with an insult and excuse (as to why they can’t drink coffee). They are sick and tired of the ugly looks/comments that they get (on a daily basis) when they order a smoothie AT A COFFEE SHOP, so their dukes are up, their tongue is a twirlin’, and they’re ready to lash out at THE FIRST insult that comes their way (like HEY, THE SMOOTHIE SHOP IS DOWN THE STREET). #8 is a total candidate for a good lashin’ because hello, they think they run the coffee shop with all of their fancy orderin’.

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HAHA, HEY YOU, DO YOU LIKE MY COFFEE SHOP RULES???!!! I’D LOVE TO HEAR!!!Β 

Xoxo,

Kristin

 

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  1. Lisa Macy Coaching

    And to add more fun to your day, don’t use your real name! I learned this from my brother. He gives off the wall names like Mortimer or Poindexter and spells it out for them with the most serious look he can. It’s hysterical! πŸ˜€

    Reply

      1. Lisa Macy Coaching

        Thanks! πŸ™‚ Thought you might like that! The first time he did this when I was with him I about died! But they really believed him! It was great! He’s definitely great entertainment! πŸ™‚

      2. Lisa Macy Coaching

        He will keep you in stitches at times, that’s for sure! πŸ˜€ His latest prank was an after April fools joke. He had all his friends on FB thinking he’d bought a very VERY expensive car (everyone KNOWS he could never afford one, so that’s what’s funny). He never lied, he just never told the whole story until the end. He had everyone begging for pics, and he told everyone it was on sale from 99 to 84, so it was a steal, then he waited a good 24 hours and posted a pic of a hot wheels car, still in the package, in a parking space. It was great! He’s a mess, and he’ll be 50 this year, but he’s going on 20 I think in his mind. lolol

      3. Kristin

        Haha, so fun and so great!! What a cool, hilarious prank!! I absolutely adore people with a great personality and so much youth in their soul!! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!!! You guys sound like a really cool family!! Having fun is THE BEST!! It keeps you young at heart!!

  2. weight2lose2013

    Lol!!!! I’m taking this list to Starbucks! I’ve also learned never to engage #4 in conversation, since you’ll never be able to get a word in or break free from the conversation.

    Reply

  3. daisygee

    Hi Kristin – I really enjoy your blog. Very entertaining. Loved the peek inside your gym bag. *Whispers – mine’s got THREE swimsuits in it.* No idea why. Think I’m paranoid.

    Reply

    1. Kristin

      Hehe, isn’t that something? I sometimes carry more than one suit in my bag, too! It might be a little bit paranoia, a little bit, hmm…I don’t know…probably paranoia. Thanks for the lovely compliment!!! YOU ROCK!!! πŸ˜‰

      Reply

  4. nycstylecannoli

    Fabulous post! Just found your site and looks like lots of fun. I just had a guy snoring yesterday while at a Starbucks which was too funny! Look forward to more of your posts!!

    Reply

    1. Kristin

      Haha, oh those snorers!! I love it!! Thanks so much for your message!! You’re great and so kind!! Much appreciated!! πŸ˜‰ I’m excited you like my blog- that’s such a compliment!! I hope you have the best day!! Watch out for those snorers now!!

      Reply

  5. live run coffee

    These are HILARIOUS! Loved this post and esp. #4 because I have been this person before (haha). Have you heard of Bitter Barista? Ohhhh such a fun site. Baristas complain about their customers. I love your take on this though. Coffee drinkers, unite!

    Reply

    1. Kristin

      Haha, THANK YOU!!! Oh yes, coffee drinkers unite for sure!! I will definitely check out Bitter Barista!! Thanks! I really appreciate your kind comment and hehe #4- love it! πŸ˜‰ You’re awesome! Have a great Monday!

      Reply

  6. Patty @ Reach Your Peak

    lol this is hilarious I love it…all so true. I worked at starbucks for like 3 weeks and encountered some crazyyyy people. I agree that you need to know your order when you get up to the counter. my mom is the worst with this! she gets up there and looks at me adn is like hmmm idkkkkk what i want!

    Reply

    1. Kristin

      Haha, your mom is so cute!! That’s funny,but honestly, it’s really hard to decide what to get sometimes!! XOXO!
      Thanks, too for your sweet comment!! Yes, there are lots of funny things that happen at a coffee shop!! I’m glad you like my rules!

      Reply

  7. Lauren @ ihadabiglunch

    Hahaha such a clever and creative post! I used to work as a barista and the “IT’S SHOWTIME” rule is #1. Seriously, you spend like 5 minutes in line and then come to the register when it’s jam-packed with people and THEN you want to brainstorm?! Or when people are on their phone…give me a break. Those velvet chairs are prime real estate!

    Reply

    1. Kristin

      Hahahahaha!!!! Thanks Lauren!!! I’m so happy to see this comment!!! This really made my night!! You’re hilarious!! I’m so happy you like my post!! It means so much to me because honestly, you’re so cool and wonderful! Yay!!! XOXO!!!

      Reply

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