#1: Got moodiness? Eat 1 piece of chocolate cheesecake/8 hours and see your mood improve! If you’re extra moody, be sure to drench your (already) chocolaty cheesecake in chocolate syrup! YUM!
#2: Got depression? Listen to me closely: At midnight, open (up) your refrigerator, take out everything that contains (a gross amount of) sodium, and eat it all! A little bloat never hurt anyone, right?! Besides, you’ll be so consumed with how bloated you feel, that you’ll forget all about your depression! Pretty cool solution, huh?!
#3: Lactose intolerant? Great! You’ll fit in just swell with the Golden Girls! After all, their motto is: Indulge in pies and cakes, but skimp on the ice cream. I don’t think I ever saw them eat more than 1 scoop of ice cream at any given time! Yummy, I kinda like their motto! How about you?!
#4: Married?! Yes! Okay, awesome, so exactly 1 week before your wedding anniversary, go on a gnarly diet and consume nothing but little fish pies and low fat strawberry milkshakes! Trust me, you’ll be prancing around in your wedding dress in no time flat!! Woohoo, picture time!
#5: Have a date with a much younger man/woman?! Alright, fabulicious!! Substitute bee pollen for every (single) meal and watch the pounds melt away (like Frosty, the snowman in the sun).
#6: Going on vacation and don’t wanna gain weight (from eating out)?! Sweet, I have the perfect solution for you! Listen, the day before your vacation, cook up a fresh batch of clam chowder (or your favorite soup), bottle it, pack it away (in your suitcases), and enjoy (once you get to your destination)! That’s a Sophia special!
#7: Lost a pound and don’t feel like yourself?! Well (warning), before you scarf down everything in sight, make sure you measure your height (because you might have shrunk)!
#8: Dining at a restaurant and (totally) not into your date?! Try this! Order (absolutely) everything on the menu (especially all of the desserts) and enjoy! This is a sure-fire way to scare them off!! It’s a win-win!!
#9: Running a race?! Far out!! Be sure to eat a gigantic bowl of pasta (with marinara sauce) the morning of your race! Talk about ultimate carb loading, right?! You’ll have energy galore! Ultra marathon anyone?!
#10: Cutting down on your sugar intake (and giving up candy, like gummy bears)?! Way to go! Whatever you do, don’t throw them away because duh, that’d be a total waste! Instead, give your candy to a childish friend (like Rose) that would rather play with them than eat them! Wanna play army men anyone?!
HAVE YOU EVER TRIED ANY OF THESE DIET RULES?!!
XOXOXO!!! HAPPY THURSDAY!!!