and THE SUN WILL COME OUT TOMORROW

Hey y’all!! Alright, first things first…HAPPY MONDAY!! I seriously hope EVERYONE had a lovely, just SO inspiring you couldn’t stand it kind of weekend!! Let me say this before I get into further talk that you guys are beyond belief the coolest, sweetest, kindest, most amazing people in the entire world. I truly mean it and am faaar from kidding…just ask my husband. After my disappointing half marathon race yesterday, I read to my husband the comments you wrote (these comments) and I literally started crying SO hard that I could no longer speak or read. There are no words that I can write here that truly express how lucky I feel to have y’all in my life…just no words…hey look, I’m crying again. You know, the part I love most about blogging is not being scared to put my hopes/dreams/goals/wants/races (and swim meets) I’ll be competing in out in the open for all eyes to see because I know that no matter how bad I might mess up at a race that y’all will be here to pick me up! Aaaand you have!! Thank you!! Thanks for all the good luck wishes, too!!

Source

Sooo yesterday wasn’t my day!! At the very beginning of the race, I lined up next to the 1:35 pacer and felt this whole surge of emotions coming over me. These couple months of hard half training…would it pay off? Um, yes it would, well at least I thought it would; although, I have to tell you, prior to this race, I’d felt a little break in my mentality. The last couple of weeks of training felt different for some reason. Possibly the fact that I hadn’t been swimming (which brought me to tears), didn’t hit some of my last runs (like the 15 miler), and honestly felt like I needed a running break (which I no longer want…I’m more determined than ever).

As the National anthem soared in the air and through my bones, I closed my eyes and felt a single tear roll down my face…there is a certain calm before the storm face I get that leads spectators to stare at me and wanna give me a hug before the race I think…I mean, I reflect back on everything in my life that has led me to this very moment…ever…single…moment:

I thought about my cousin Angela that recently lost her life to cancer (years and years of battling)…I was running for Angela and for everyone that didn’t have the luxury to roll out of bed and do something that they truly loved. I was running for my grandfather and my uncle that lost their lives to cancer a few years back and for my Uncle Scott that was born with a hole in his heart and was told that he would never see his 18th birthday…well, he lived to see his 31st birthday before passing away. I’ve never broke down in a full on cry before a race, but I’ve definitely come close. As my husband grabbed my hand before the start and I could give him nothing more than a single nod for fear that I’d break down completely, we were off.

{Yes, I’m extremely sentimental, maybe even to a fault, I don’t know. I truly believe everything happens for a reason and what doesn’t break us, makes us stronger. I admit, I felt a little broken after this run, actually A LOT broken, but I managed to piece myself back together yesterday and move on. How lucky we all are to just get up and move, right? To feel the wind in our hair and the sun on our face. Trust me guys, the sun will come out tomorrow…it did for me.}

I also had a beautiful conversation with my run/swim coach:

He inspired me to push on and to keep my chin up because I’m only in the very beginning stages of my running career. It’s true, I guess, I have only been running 35-40 miles a week for barely a month now…my first half marathon in March, I was only running 30 max per week then, so I’m still in the beginning stages of base building. It will get easier and my legs will get used to the extra mileage. I can’t expect to snap my fingers and BAM,  have years of experience all in one day (I wish, but no it doesn’t work like that). Just like swimming is such a comfort for me, eventually, with many more miles, running will become like that, too. I’m also such a new racer. I have very little experience in this area and have lots to learn. Speed is definitely my specialty, but it can also be a curse during longer races. My coach said I could have definitely run a 1:35 (7:15 pace) yesterday, but I didn’t because I went out too fast at a 7:05ish pace (with an uphill) and then stuck under 7:15 pace for a few miles after that. I could tell my body was in shock the last 5k of the race. Around mile 11, I literally came to a dead stop for quite a few seconds, stared at everyone passing me in disbelief (not a good idea by the way…totally kills time), and then walked slowly for a bit, started running again, and then stopped again and stared (yes, in total awe), walked some more, before picking it up some the last part of the race into the finish.

Although, honestly, I don’t remember much about my 1:37:49 finish, it’s still such a blur, I do know that I want a redo. Last night I signed up for the Richmond Half Marathon November 15th. You see when my body shuts down and infiltrates my mind with all this negative “you can’t” talk, I don’t accept it. I might accept it for a few hours, but then I shut it down, and feel more focused than ever. Despite all the bad things that have taken place in my life, I always find a way to overcome them. I know I’m sunshiny but I definitely have lots of insecurities and frustrations…it’s just how you turn those negatives into positives, I guess.

Soooo the happy part? I did PR by a second, having run my first half in 1:37:50 and Crawlin’ Crab in 1:37:49. Way to go body, right? I seriously put in a last killer surge of power to get it, too which I’m so thankful for.

I learned so much about myself at Crawlin’ Crab and still, for the life of me, can’t believe I got a 1 second PR (after all the stopping, walking, and agony)…it truly shows how capable I am. I’m also picking up more 5ks/10ks in the future (which equals more race experience) because I do know without a shadow of a doubt that 5ks are my specialty. I have so much speed I haven’t even tapped into yet. Running (3 minute) 1/2 mile repeats aren’t so bad anymore…

My advice? Never Give Up!! Just don’t because you can’t expect to PR at every single race (even when you’ve put in the training), well maybe unless you’re expecting to break the half marathon world record or something, but even then, the very best runners have horrible races, too.

WOW, what an emotional ride! I know I don’t share the sad aspects of my life all that much, but just know, I’ve seen some unpleasantness throughout my 29 years, and I’ll ALWAYS be here for y’all…I WILL!! Happy Monday guys and thanks for everything!! Your determination and motivation OH SO inspires me!! XOXO!

-Kristin